There is a common theme that appears on some of my critiqued work: “Show, don’t tell.”
These sixteen pages are so condensed with information that the pace is incredibly fast and often you resort to telling instead of showing (so you can skim over things briefly and move onto the next important event) which makes the story much less engaging; these sixteen pages should probably be expanded into three-times there current length, if not more. (from memoir critique, early 1st draft)
For a while, I had no idea what they meant. It took a lot of reading, Googling, and asking to figure it out. It’s such a common tip that you hear from amateur and professional writers alike. Every editor seems to scribble it in their red pen. Every blog, article, and writing magazine at some point shares advice on the infamous “Show, Don’t Tell.” It even has its own Wikipedia page!
What is “Show, Don’t Tell?”
The “Show, Don’t Tell” method of writing is when the writer is able to create a picture in the reader’s mind, to get away from the repetition of such empty words like went, big, or said.
It’s actually a simple concept. Ironically, the best way to explain it is to show, rather than tell, someone what it means, and I don’t think anybody’s done that better than Anton Checkhov:
Don’t tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass. – Anton Chekhov (source: Goodreads)
While “telling” can be useful, even necessary, most people don’t realize how vital “showing” is to an effective story, essay, or even a blog post. Showing allows the reader to follow the author into the moment, to see and feel and experience what the author has experienced. Using the proper balance of showing and telling will make your writing more interesting and effective.
For example, in my own work-in-progress memoir, I have instances (this is particularly heavy throughout the beginning) where I tell the reader that my relationship with my husband was bad, that we had fights all the time, that there was unhappy tension. However, the readers want to “see it” for themselves. Here’s an example of “Show, Don’t Tell” from my memoir.
Alex had sent me flowers one day at work. It was really sweet and just the thing I was looking for to add a little romance back into our lives. All I wanted was for him to tell me that I mattered to him in some way. That night, we were headed to bed and he started fooling around. I wasn’t interested in sex and told him so. Immediately, he got angry, sat up in bed, yanking the sheets from my shoulders.
“I bought you flowers!” he yelled, baffled by my lack of interest in sex.
“Umm….okay…and I said thank you?” I was completely confused by his anger.
“That means you should have sex with me! I did what you wanted. I filled your love tank [that damn book again]. Now you should have sex with me.”
“Last I checked, Alex, it doesn’t quite work that way! Are you serious? I’m not some toy you can just use for your pleasure whenever you feel like it. One time of giving me flowers doesn’t make up for all the other crap. It takes time. Even the therapist said that.”
“But you’re my wife and whether you like it or not, you should perform your wifely duties. It’s your job to make me feel loved.” I was stunned speechless. Did he really just say that? I had no idea how to respond to that ridiculous statement. He really thought that after all the fighting, arguments, resentments that I was going to suddenly jump up and down for joy because he bought me flowers? He had another thing coming.
“Oh please. You have no idea what you’re talking about. I can’t just flick a switch and have sex. I have to desire to have sex with you again. Buying me flowers one time doesn’t mean all of a sudden I’m filled with desire. And what the hell are you talking about that it’s my wifely duties? Since when am I required to have sex with you? I’m supposed to do those things even though I don’t want to? You seriously think that?”
“Well…yes…I do. The Bible says that I’m the man of the household and you are supposed to do what I say, and that includes sex. The wife is supposed to submit to the husband in all things.”
“So you just want me to lay here like a lump on a log while you get off? I don’t fucking think so. You’re on your own, buddy!” I huffed angrily and rolled over in bed, hoping he could feel the ice emanating from my back. I trembled head to toe, a sinking pit in my stomach. The audacity! Furious and unable to sleep now, I flung the covers back, stomped into the bathroom and slammed the door, locking him out.
Oh, I Get It
This scene, where the two of us are in bed and he’s pushing me to give sex in exchange for flowers is an excellent example of showing the reader what our relationship was like, the details that made up the reality. There is dialogue, physical descriptions of what’s going on between us, interior monologue where I’m spitting mad.
When you show, you’re using words to create a scene that readers instantly visualize. Instead of intellectually registering what you’re telling them, they fully imagine what you’re showing them.
We can turn Checkhov’s explanation into a writing exercise in which we show, don’t tell readers our ideas:
| Tell | Show |
| I missed the bus. |
I raced down the road, wildly waving my hands, and yelling, “Stop, stop,” but the bus traveled on down the road without stopping.
|
|
I was scared as I walked towards the haunted house.
|
The broken windows and creaking hinges made me tremble as I slowly crossed the shadowed yard towards the dilapidated house.
|
|
I am cold.
|
My teeth chattered as I blew warm breath on my numb fingers.
|
|
My friend is a very good artist.
|
My pleasure grew as I slowly examined one masterpiece after another. Why, George, you’re work could be shown at the Gallery of Fine Arts!
|
|
My coat is too small.
|
As I tried to twist my arms out of my jacket I thought I was going to pull my shoulders out of their sockets.
|
Now you try it. Think of some simple ideas that you could show readers instead of telling them. Feel free to share them in the comments.
Are there any writing tips that you hear frequently but don’t quite grasp? Share your thoughts and questions by leaving a comment, and make sure when you’re writing, you show, don’t tell.
